Single parenting is way harder than those two words sound wether they are together or separate.
Now before you take that for what anyone would take it as, just read this.
Girls are "crazy" in the way that they let there minds create diffrent scenarios for every situation possible. If something isn't going the way we think it should, we think of about 20 different reasons on why. If it has to do with a relationship, it's usually because we think you hate us.
I think its in our genes to just automatically jump to a conclusion that makes no sense at all. I mean why else would we do that?
I personally think the cause of this is lack of communication and where a relationship is headed because if things are clarified then that leaves no room for a girl to jump to conclusions. Girls feel they need to do this because they are feeling insecure about what their relationship is.
Some girls, me being one of them, are to scared to just communicate and say what they want to. You don't know how the other person is going to react and you get scared that it will ruin things and then you won't have any relationship at all. Ive always been a BIG offender of not communicating and just letting it all build up.
After my most recent relationship ended I kept telling myself that whoever I end up with next will know every though in my head and ill ALWAYS just say what I'm feeling and want... Well here we are next "relationship" and I am still not doing what I told myself I would. When my friends come to me and ask me for advice I tell them just be 100% honest and open and say whats on your mind but I never can seem to take my own advice.
I always get so worried about how the other person is going to feel and never really care about how I feel. I hide what I'm thinking in order to make the other person stay happy but then just drive myself crazy with what ifs... but what I'm learning is that there is no "what ifs" and there is only what is.. But the problem is also just that.. You don't know what is going on and so all the what ifs come flooding in.
Thats probably where guys start to call girls crazy, and we might be a little, but I don't think many guys stop to think why did she feel this way.
Everyone is so afraid to communicate and just say what it is that they are feeling. I personallly am not proud to be one of these people.
My current problem right now is being so unbelievably happy with someone but wondering on how he would ever chose me and my wild child.
Have you ever just been so happy and thought that this is too good to be true... this is my life currently.
Have you ever seen this meme? 👇🏼
This is me.. I mean obviously I know he needs to eat but I do just leave him in a corner, right?
Just kidding.. but kind of not.
I don't know how to function with a relationship and having a child. My last relationship was more of I'm the mom and you're the boyfriend so know your place. I guess that should have been the first red flag of THIS GUY IS NOT THE ONE since I didn't want him having a say with my son.
It's so weird to me on how guys/girls say that single parents just want you to automatically replace the missing parent and act like a mother/father. This is somewhat true but also very false. Do I want someone who is going to be a good role model for my son, treat his mother like a queen, show him what a real man should be like, and to be someone who loves him unconditionally.. yes. Do I want my son to be calling you daddy and get attached to you right off the bat.. no.
My thing with that is why would you even go after a single parent knowing they have a child that you might have to take care of one day and call your own if that is something that you would not want in the first place?!
I feel, as a parent, if you go into a relationship just thinking if this person will be good for you and you have no thought about your child then you honestly care more about yourself than your child and that's not right. Someone should be extremely welcoming to the fact that you have a kid and should put an effort into wanting to be involved with them.
Back to me not knowing how to function in a relationship. (I warned you that I'm all over the place. Haha) I've had no help, in a significant other type of way, since my son has been here and not even during my pregnancy. How do I mesh someone into our life now? How does that work?
Part of me likes being alone and handling everything alone because I can do it all.. but sometimes you wish you had that significant other to help you through everything and to be there on the hard days. Someone to just vent to. Someone to take over when you just need a second to breath because we all know parenting can push you to the edge sometimes. Someone who comes into your life and just understands that things are tough but they stay anyways.
Having friends and family there for you is always nice and very appreciated but there is a difference with having a significant other there for you.
Since my sons father I have had one boyfriend in my life. That turned out to be a mistake but it was a lesson. My thing is how do you know you aren't about to make that same mistake. How do you know if you are going to start something and in the next second that person walks away.. It is more than just you that you have to think about.. and to avoid making this hard decision I always just end up pushing men out of my life because I'd rather not even take the chance of it going bad.
Someone recently wrote me this:
"Your afraid to open up for two reasons, one because your careful on who you bring into Aydens life, but two because you've been vexed by the guys youve been with. Your experience with guys has made you aware that a lot of men are scumbags. You weigh the plusses and the minuses of putting you and Aydens heart out there by putting it in someone elses hands. Even though you want to be happy with someone, youve decided that the risk is greater than the reward and its safer to stay away from it.. A man by the name of Joseph A. Shedd once said "A ship is safe when it is in harbor, but that is not what it was built for."
Basically, I am not sure that this ship is ready to leave the harbor because the risk always seems greater.
I didn't miss this feeling at all. The overwhelming need to burst into tears at any given second. The feeling of something missing and not ever being able to get that back.
You sit here wondering if there was anything more you could have done for that person, to still be here. But in reality there was nothing at all that could have possibly made that person stay on this earth any longer because it was there time to go.
Not that I understand why people have to pass but I do believe that God has a plan for us all and whether that be to live a long and happy life OR for us to just be on this earth long enough to bless people and give others some sort of happiness, I don't know.
I do not, and I never will, understand why you had to be taken but it's also not for me to understand. I just need to be thankful that while you were on this earth I had a chance to be blessed by you. I was given a friend, who may not be here anymore physically, but will always be a memory. A memory of happiness and joy for everyone and anyone that he was around. A memory of someone who was there for me when I needed him and when I didn't need him. A memory that will never be forgotten.
You were there for me during some of the roughest times of my life. You never judged or took sides. You just stood with me when I couldn't handle it at times. You made sure I still had fun in my life regardless of what was going on.
When I saw you in the hospital and you were laughing at me for crying... If you could only see me now. 😢
Death is never easy.. especially for someone like me who cries over EVERYTHING. But... there is some sense of peace knowing that you are at peace. I pray that you are happy and no longer in pain. I pray that you watch down on us all. I pray that you feel how loved you are.
Rest In Peace Christian Gedeon.
So, this is me. 👆🏼 Just a single mother trying to get through life doing the best I can raising a little boy.
I have always wanted to start a blog and well, here I am! It will mainly be about getting through life with a little boy but I tend to be all over the place and I don't see this blog going any differently! Haha